Dancing Willow

Sankofa

Oh Sankofa, high on the Heavens you soar
My soul is soon to follow you, back to yesterdays moon
will it remember me?
Back to yesterdays sun, It will rekindle me
Rekindle the spirit into tomorrow and high on the wind
Sankofa flys again and again

Oh Sankofa, high on the Heavens you soar
My soul is soon to follow you, back to yesterdays moon
will it remember me?
Back to yesterdays sun, It will rekindle me
Rekindle the spirit into tomorrow and high on the wind
Sankofa flys again and again

Oh Sankofa, high on the Heavens you soar
My soul is soon to follow you, back to yesterdays moon
will it remember me?
Back to yesterdays sun, It will rekindle me
Rekindle the spirit into tomorrow and high on the wind
Sankofa flys again and again

~Cassandra Wilson

According to some, Sankofa means "We must go back and reclaim our past so we can move forward; so we understand why and how we came to be who we are today." I like that a lot ...

Keep in mind this is not my music collection, just what I've gleaned while here in WI

Well, Jessie, I did this knowing full well that I won't have my music library until January (at the earliest), but I'm pretty intrigued by this. So here it is.

if your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?

here's how it works:
1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, iPod)
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. new question-- press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

From the soupy cauldron of my housemate's computer:
opening credits:
"Dilate" -- Ani DiFranco (So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter - Disc 2)

waking up:
"Romeo and Juliet" -- Indigo Grrls (Rites of Passage)
This is so appropriate for how I've been feeling lately, in some crazy way ...

first day at school:
"Self Evident" -- Ani DiFranco (So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter - Disc 2)
There aren't that many artists in the player right now, but this one is really appropriate for school.

falling in love:
"Tears Don't Care Who Cries Them" -- k.d. lang (Shadowland)
This isn't fair. Does it mean I'm destined to always be hurt in love?

breaking up:
"Build a Levee" -- Natalie Merchant (Motherland)
Well, since I'm learning to mind my fences after this last relationship fiasco (or lack of relationship), I'm getting a little worried that iTunes is dictating my life ... AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *head starts spinning*

prom:
"Let it Rain" -- Tracy Chapman (Let it Rain)
Okay, so the first one was "Black Coffee" by k.d. land, but I switched it because I didn't think that there should be two with the same artist. Both are really appropriate, but I like this one because it's about getting ready to start again (at least, for me), and prom is like that. But I never went, so I can't say.

life's okay:
"Healing" -- India.Arie (Voyage to India [UK])
This is TOTALLY a life's okay song. Mm-hm.

mental breakdown:
"Arrows" -- Tattle Tale (Sew True)
Umm. Well, I guess I could feel this way if I was having a breakdown ...

driving:
"Long Time Coming" -- Toni Childs (The Woman's Boat)
At least it has a good beat. My favorite driving song, and the one I would pick, is Indigo Grrls' "Get out the Map." My favorite.

flashback:
"Moment of Silence W/ Iguana" -- Doria Roberts (Alive and Well - Disc 2)
This song evokes so many memories, it is a really good flashback song, but it could lead to a mental breakdown from all the memories ...

getting back together:
"Miles" -- Jen Wood (Jen Wood EP)
Wow. Considering my current situation ... This is perfect.

wedding:
"Elsewhere" -- Sarah McLachlan (Fumbling Towards Ecstasy) was the first choice, but that's too depressing for a wedding, unless it's doomed to fail, so I cheated and chose again. "Yofcharche Mlado" from Bulgaria by Kitka (Voices on the Eastern Wind) came up second. Since it's in Bulgarian, I have no idea exactly what they are saying, but I really like it.

birth of child:
"Discovering the Coffin" -- Jill Tracy (Into the Land of Phantoms - The Nosferatu Score)
Okay, that's just a very clear sign. I get it.

final battle:
"Love is Everything" -- Jane Siberry (When I Was a Boy)
Oh. Well.

death scene:
"La Vie En Rose" -- Edith Piaf (The Voice of the Sparrow)
Okay, I think this is okay for my death scene. There are others I can think of, but this is good.

funeral song:
"Glass Vase Cello Case" -- Tattle Tale (Sew True)
OKay, I'll admit it. I wanted this to be my wedding song, or at least the getting back together song. It's the love theme from "But I'm a Cheerleader," which if you haven't seen, go rent it NOW.

end credits:
"The Nearness of You" -- Etta James (Time After Time)
It's funny, because when I was importing this cd, it got stuck after this song, so the rest aren't on here. And I can't think of a song that would have remembered any better.

I think I'll have to revisit this once I have my computer and my cd library. I really want a big black iPod, because I could easily fill it. And then have all my music at my fingertips. How nice would that be? First I'm going to work on raising money to do my own work and to be in Spiral Door. An iPod can come later ...

I'm going to look at the Dick Blick catalogue and do some copyediting work. And make some tea, because it is cold and grey and rainy here, and it should be snowing by nightfall. The Crone has arrived to stay, for good.

ETA: It's a freaking THUNDERSTORM. In November!!! There are huge cracks of lightning outside my window ... Maybe I won't walk to the library after all ...

Player Piano

The muted glow of a solitary candle illuminates hir frame, solid, sturdy. Shi leans forward in concentration, hir head back, eyes closed, lost in a sea of notes and chords written no where but behind those eyes. I watch in quiet fascination, privy to such intimacy that I am shy, almost embarrassed to observe. From my perch at the dark kitchen table I can see only hir and the piano. Not the outside door; not hir lover curled up on the sofa; not the rest of my life in this house, where shi is a guest whom I never want to leave.

I am selfish in this way -- I do not want the keys to go silent, do not want the music to end. This music tells the stories of hir life, of tragedy and great joy. I can hear the words as clearly as if shi spoke them, each chord a phrase, each note a word. Everything shi could never say is there, in hir playing. Words shi hirself cannot see but as sound. This understanding scares me, it's mystery still unseen as I stumble through pianissimo and allegro to fortissimo and back again. All of my musical training floods into me; the dance of minor chords and intervals, lines and spaces, black and ivory makes my cells twitch, longing for their own movement. Dancing takes me into my very deepest mind, a hidden place few can follow into with me.

It is much the same as now, here, following where I should not be able to travel. I am a silently-invited voyeur, sitting on the sidelines watching all the action occur between wood and bone and skin. I wonder where this magick leads, what spells shi is casting with hir intention as the music pours forth, into the darkness; into the Dark Time of the year, a time of introspection and change, new beginnings, releasing.

I watch from the shadows, my own tears mottle cheeks like marbled paper. I am afraid of what this knowing -- my sensory responses to actions outside my experience -- might mean when shi goes to leave, drawing hir lover from under the covers to make the drive home across town. I am quiet, hesitant; I busy myself like a mouse who, once shi realizes shi is in a maze with no exit, busies hir hands in order to keep panic at bay. Will you come and play again? Will you grace those keys again?

In a moment (well, maybe five), shi is gone, my own stumbling self unable to even give hir a hug goodbye -- for fear I would cry so that shi might see how deeply I traveled with hir tonight. I do not know if shi realizes, if shi heard my silent sobs while washing dishes as shi played (busy hands ...), saw the streaks of saline on my face as I bid hir and hir lover farewell and safe travels.

When shi calls at 1 am, shi asks if shi has done something wrong. "It felt different," shi says, "when I left." How do I explain the open-heart surgery shi performed? I tell hir no, shi did nothing wrong. There is silence for a moment, and then shi adds, "You're not supposed to be able to go there." I am filled with relief, but seconds later it is dread. If I am not *supposed* to be able to go there, then how is it I CAN go there? Shi tells me shi had given up hope of finding someone who could hear the unspoken words in hir playing.

It is all just too much for me. We talk a bit longer, about music and friendships. I tell hir that hir lover will wake up soon, and a minute later the phone is silent. Shi has gone back to bed with hir lover. I am again alone.